Proof that our church knows what it’s doing by ordaining my wife and not me…:

Top Ten Reasons Why Men Should Not Be Ordained

10. A man’s place is in the army.

9. For men who have children, their duties might distract them from the responsibility of being a parent.

8. Men’s physical build indicates that they are more suited to tasks such as chopping down trees and wrestling with mountain lions. It would be unnatural for them to do other forms of work.

7. Man was created before woman, obviously as a prototype. Thus, men represent an experiment rather than the crowning achievement of creation.

6. Men are too emotional to be priests or pastors. Their conduct at football games and cricket matches shows this.

5. Some men are handsome; they will distract women worshippers.

4. The task of an ordained pastor is to nurture the congregation. But this is not a traditional male role. Throughout history, women have been considered to be not only more skilled than men at nurturing, but also more fervently attracted to it. This makes them the obvious choice for ordination.

3. Men are overly prone to violence. No really manly man wants to settle disputes other than by fighting about it. Thus, they would be poor role models, as well as being dangerously unstable in positions of leadership.

2. Men can still be involved in church activities, even without being ordained. They can sweep paths, repair the church roof, and maybe even lead singing on Father’s Day. By confining themselves to such traditional male roles, they can still be vitally important in the life of the church.

1. In the New Testament account, the person who betrayed Jesus was a man. Thus, his lack of faith and ensuing punishment stands as a symbol of the subordinated position that all men should take.

Dr. David Scholer presented this list in 1998 at Fuller Follies. It was taken, with small modifications, from a November 24, 1997 e-mail communication from W. Ward and Laurel Gasque. It is not known whether they are the authors. From