Disappearing Act

I’m amazed at how much the process of finding gainful employment has utterly destroyed my desire to do things I used to love doing.

Like blog, for example.

Back in the day, I’d be contributing all kinds of thoughts about the recent US and, especially Iranian elections, about the inherent issues in picking a homeschool science curriculum in a cooperative network of (more-or-less) Christian fundamentalists on such matters, my own work and interesting issues that pop up in the classroom, and my own reading, like I used to.

But the reality is this: I’m. Wiped. Out.

Emotionally drained Physically tired. And, truth be told, scared witless out of the possibility that after 3+ graduate degrees, 14+ years of schooling beyond my BA, and abandoning an unfulfilling career that nevertheless paid for the expenses of my family, I’m no better off than when I graduated from high school, because that’s what I’m facing at the moment, only now with a wife of almost 15 years and an almost 7 and almost 9 year old to complete the package.

Counting my “unfinished” blogs stored in the “drafts” area of WordPress, I see a baker’s dozen. And that doesn’t include the notebook of “blog topics” I keep that never goes anywhere.

I guess I’m amazed at how much “uncertainty” can affect me. I’m wondering if maybe going back to blogging might somehow by psychologically advantageous, if I can find the time, between conference paper preparations, dissertation writing, class preparation, and job-searching.

Sorry, gang. I have a lot of good stuff in the mind. But I just cant get it out.